Why Does It Matter?

If I know one thing about myself, it's that I’m not perfect. I’m flawed...so, so, so flawed. I’ve made terrible choices and made stupid mistakes and hurt people under the guise of humor and stuck my foot in my mouth more times than I can remember, or want to remember. I’ve gone off half-cocked thinking I knew enough about a subject to flap my gums as an authority. It’s really painful and embarrassing to learn how little I actually know. I assumed that my experience was the same as everyone else’s, that somehow we all followed the same path. It’s taken forever for me to realize that I am not the "Standard American Woman". In fact, there is no such thing as a standard woman, American or otherwise.

As I start this blogging journey, I worry about my ignorance being exposed. That scares me because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to speak my mind and share my beliefs only to discover at some later time that I was completely wrong. It scares me to think that my position as a privileged white woman means that I can make some sweeping assumption or declaration that can cause harm to someone. The power white women have is terrifying and it's not a weapon I'm comfortable possessing. I especially don’t want my words to be used against me to show what a terrible person I am.

I was very hesitant to add my voice to the voices of people far more experienced, better educated, and more eloquent than I am in these fraught areas of race, politics, and equality, but I know that I am learning and trying to work towards doing better. I write from my heart. I write to understand. I write so that I can later re-read my writing and assess whether I still stand behind what I wrote. I write so that I can flesh out my beliefs as I continue to unlearn things. I tell myself that we are not the worst thing we have ever done. By extension, I am not the worst writing I have ever written. I write to hold myself accountable.

But mostly, I feel safe writing here because I know no one is reading it. 

“One of the great challenges in life is knowing enough to think you're right, but not enough to know you're wrong.” ― Neil deGrasse Tyson

Why does representation matter? Subconsciously, we have all created character profiles of who we think the different people in the world are. Sometimes we do this by filling in the empty spaces with our best guesses. Other times, we do it with the information we’re given by our families and friends, or what we’ve seen in the media. If we never see or interact with real people that are different from ourselves walking and talking and existing in the real world, then they will never be anything more than the two-dimensional characters we imagine them to be.

“Since we live in the heads of those who remember us, we lose control of our lives and become who they want us to be.”― David M. Eagleman

When we assume Black people are scary or dangerous and we never see them represented as anything else, then that belief becomes the truth to us. When we see women only in support positions and never as leaders, we come to believe that the reason is that women aren’t capable of being leaders. When we see transgender people only as the butt of jokes then we literally strip them of their freedom to pee in public.

“When a group is not featured in the media, it is called symbolic annihilation.” ― Martha Lauzen

Writers and speakers love to use one of the many quotes referring to us standing on the shoulders of those that came before us. It's a trite bit of humbleness allowing us to tip our hats to those who laid the groundwork. The implication is noble, but is it a bit disingenuous? Maybe it would be more accurate to say that white men are standing on the backs of everyone else? Standing on each other's shoulders implies the creation of a ladder. Each rung built upon the previous rung. Once built, the ladder can be used by everyone to climb. But that isn't how it really works for most people. Is it?

Standing on someone’s back only helps the person on top. The person being stood on is being shoved into the dirt and losing ground the longer they’re stood on. Every time someone else steps on their back, they break a little more and get pushed further from where the progress is happening for everyone else. At the same time, it creates a situation where the rest of us who aren’t white men jockey for position. It's just a distraction engineered to make us focus on the wrong things. So long as we’ve got someone below us in the pileup, then we can convince ourselves that we are more closely aligned to the giants and not the backs we are breaking. In order to maintain our position of not being at the bottom, we must tell ourselves stories that justify why we aren’t demanding we all be treated equally and be given the same opportunities to achieve and succeed. After all, could we break their backs if they were not, in fact, weaker than us? And that is the fertile soil where fear is grown and hate is nurtured. We fear those around us, especially if they are different from us. We hate them to justify our abuses. We are constantly othering people and aligning ourselves in narrowly defined groups that come with some small benefit that the people in the out-group can’t have. And we count that as a win.

“You have been blessed to stand on the shoulders of giants. Make sure that someone stands on yours as well. This is the only way of human progress.” — Chris Matakas

Did it matter on April 28, 2021 during President Joe Biden’s Joint Address to Congress that the Vice President and Speaker of the House seated behind him on the rostrum were women? Of course, it did. It was literally history being made before our very eyes. So often we don’t realize the historical significance of an event until long after it has happened, but this was an event we could look forward to. I couldn’t wait to watch the address just so I could see it happen live, in real time.

But why does it matter? The simple answer is because we’re floundering. We are a country with laws and norms that plays favorites. No surprise here, but the group that’s typically favored looks an awful lot like the people making the final decisions. Empathy and compassion are hard, I get it. But without empathy and compassion we will never be a country that rules itself and holds itself accountable based on what most of us need. We will forever be a country that stands on each other’s backs while we continue to hoist up those of us that are doing the best to higher and higher heights.

“Diversity really means becoming complete as human beings - all of us. We learn from each other. If you're missing on that stage, we learn less. We all need to be on that stage.” — Juan Felipe Herrera